In my previous article, I gave a little insight on the developmental stages and healthy functions of the ego. The purpose of it was to give knowledge on how you operate as a cognitive functioning human, or metaknowledge. In this article, I’ll explore the experiential or meta experience side of your ego so you can discover your path to self learning and developing a healthy functioning ego.
In order to go through the experience of transcending our previous self, it’s important to know about your different ego states,how to observe your ego, how to surrender and strengthen good states, and how to develop a transcendent intention. Although I did mention in my previous article I was going to feature a video from a personal favorite self-development teacher, I decided not to because the language and analogies in the video aren’t quite consistent with the language and analogies I use in my videos. Put simply, he’ll let things get rated R while I try to keep things PG13.
With that said, let’s get to it. I’m going to drop a little meta experience on you by explaining your ‘filters’ of your self-reality, the power of observing these filters, changing the filters, and, of course, the intention behind of your filter.
As pointed out in part one of this topic, there are different levels of development of the ego. Each stage has it’s own template of how it filters reality in relevance to ‘I’. Each template consists of different ‘ego states’. Many people believe that when they have a thought about themselves that the “I” or self-image portion is contained in a unified existence. In reality, their self image is broken up to what best suits their needs at the time. Each fragment, momentary ‘I’, or ego state filters reality through a set of emotions, self beliefs, beliefs about the world, and a reference to previous experiences; and suggests for you to act as it sees fit.
In almost every instance, ego states focus one’s attention on narrow segments of reality. This sets up the framework to be absorbed into an identity like ‘dumb blonde’ or ‘workaholic’. A new sense of “I” develops as different concepts are integrated and differentiated, and a new repertoire of ego states are experienced. Through dissociation, ego states are able to take turns leading the person.
Here’s an example…
Do you remember recess in grade school? When I was a child, we used to have a half hour to have what ever fun we could. I’d always make a point to monkey around on the jungle gym, then play kick ball. I’d do all of this while screaming as loud as my lungs could handle. I would pump myself into a state of complete fun mania. As soon as recess was over, we’d always go straight back to class work. Personally, I’d always have trouble turning my focus to class work. I was still in ‘play mode’. I didn’t want to do math work. I was having trouble effectively dissociating myself from my playful mania state and moving into a focused academically oriented state.
How can we create a more permeable boundary between ‘states’ so we can allow our self to easily shift modes of action?
I want to suggest through observing and surrendering your ego.
Being in different states subsequently inspires different behaviors. Most of the time, we have a level of unawareness towards. People tend to simply let their emotions and thoughts act through them rather than taking a step back and viewing things for what they are. Some people do to a degree in their life, but the average person does not. They lack the mechanism to monitor themselves in real time.
Here’s an example. Currently, I work at an arcade. We have a what’s called a ‘soft play’ area. It’s pretty much a giant play place for kids 5 through 12 with padding to make it soft. In order for these children to be able to play in it, they have to be of proper age and be wearing a wristband. A couple days ago, there was an adult in soft play with her toddlers that were about 1 to 2 years old. None of them had wristbands, either. I informed her the rules of soft play and asked her to come out. Since there were multiple toddlers in the play place a couple of infants had escaped her and managed to get further into the structure.
The mother instantly began an argument on why her her kids should stay in and have fun. When most people begin to hear why they’re wrong, they’re immediate response would be to argue back and give reasons why they’re right. This is especially so if they’re in a position of authority. I will admit to begin informing of the rules to enforce that the mother was wrong. But, instead of being reactive I focused on my intention, which was getting them out. I monitored myself by sensing that my auto-response system was taking over and chose a course of action that would be more aligned with my intention.
Sharing with them that it would be unfair to other children by letting her children remain on the play place because the wristbands that the other children have were paid for. I asked the mother how would she feel if I let other children do an activity for free that she had to pay for. When I informed her that if she got her children wristbands then she still wouldn’t be able to get in the structure, she reacted with anger. Rather than reacting with more anger, I observed her emotion and didn’t reflect it.
Eventually, after more explanation and relation to the mother. I got her out and to follow through with staying out.
Observing ego is about being present minded and consciously coordinating yourself. By taking a mental inventory of how I’ve reacted in previous experiences, I’m able to take control and take responsibility for how I behave. Through self-awareness, self-monitoring, and self-control; I’m able to comprehend why and how I act and discard any ego state that doesn’t work toward my intention in life.
Having a transcendent intention is the essential ‘why’ in creating a new self. The transcendent intention is a concept I learned from Eben Pagan. It’s the greater reasoning for behaviors and skills that you pursue. For example, becoming better at communications transcends just being able to just convey a message more effectively. It leads to greater implications in your life that integrate into almost every aspect of you life.
Here’s a quick recap:
-Create an awareness of all of your ego states and their behaviors they articulate.
-Disassociate yourself from any single ego state to unify a complete self.
– Identify your intention of the moment
– Observe ego through identifying present ego state, monitoring behavior in real time, and guiding activity towards your intention.
– Be proactive, not reactive.
– Reflect upon relative experience. Make a mental inventory of what worked and what didn’t work
– Accept and take personal responsibility.
– Find your transcendent intention.